my daughter will be home in 7 days, oh my God! I have been ever so patiently waiting for this day for so very long! 2 whole years! I'm not going to write about what I went through because it is already written all down and I just wrote Amelia her last letter with my last feelings about this ordeal in it below. I don't want to keep talking and writing about how I'm better and God healed me we all know that now, and it is now time to move on and let go of the bad chapter, quit talking about the past and move on to the new chapter!
I wasn't going to write about what I went through but oh God it was sooo much maybe I will write it down again! The complete and total heart ache! the sorrow, tears, sadness, worry, anxiety, doubts, what ifs, pain, the fear, oh God the fear was so bad! the turmoil, anger, bitterness, rage, there were so very many feelings I went through and faced and I did it all but I did it with Gods help because I begged Him and prayed to Him daily to help me get through it! and He definitely did! He picked me right up off the ground and placed my feet in a new place, with a new mind, He gave me back my Hope, He gave me back my mind, He healed me 100%, and now He is giving me back my daughter!
Oh God is so good! I will thank Him and worship Him forever!!!
I am so glad that last year I decided to start trying to write about healing in my blog instead of focusing so much on the downward spiral. I wish someone would have told me in High School that you get what you think! It is a simple fact, but it is so overlooked, and people don't really realize just how true it is! If you think negative thoughts, you live a negative life, but if you try to focus on positive thoughts, you will eventually go toward the positive life! All with Gods help! We can't do it without Him.
I found Him in 2000 when I lived in Springville Utah after I got baptized a Christian, I was 36 years old! I realized finally after a 36-year journey of trying to find Him that He was with me all along, He is a part of me, He is my beating heart, it really sunk in at that time and I was so peaceful! I didn't care that we didn't fit in with everyone else in our world- I knew I fit in with Christ. Then we moved, and we moved again, and I got really depressed. I let go of His hand, I went out on my own- I was slowly but surely losing my mind, and I did- the enemy got a hold of me, he led me down that dark tunnel, that dark and lonely pit, he knew all the things he needed to do to keep me down there, I freaking gave up! and I let him win. It went on for a very long long time, I worried my mom, my kids, my husband, and my Family- but then in 2019 I started to get my life back! I tried to talk to God again and I tried to tell Him that I needed Him. My daughter went to prison, and I was desperate for help, and He came in and helped me! He literally gave me back my life, my health, my freedom, my sanity, my hope, healing, wholeness, wellbeing, everything! I am here today and typing on my computer because of Him and His powerful beautiful healing. I will thank Him for the rest of my life.
thoughts-- I know that I have always been a people pleaser. I will do everything to avoid the confrontation, tell anyone what they want to hear, do everything to please and get along with people, always be nice, always say yes, always be pleasant, I thought that was a good quality I had, I thought I was being Christlike but then I realized no that is really not right! It is actually being selfish! I want so much for everyone to like me that I will agree with them even if I feel it is wrong! I need to be true to my authentic self and tell people exactly how I really feel weather they like it or not. In the end they will appreciate my honesty. I can still be kind and have compassion and be true to my feelings at the same time. I can actually disagree with someone but just do it in a kind Christ like way! I didn't ever realize that before. I was always so afraid of pissing someone else off and offending someone.
It took experiences at my job, things with my kids and Pete, my Family, and waking up from a very long ass coma to finally realize that I need to be true to me! I need to speak my mind and be honest, everyone needs my thoughts on life- they need to see my views, I need to share them, and I no longer need to go along with what everyone else is saying just to avoid a conflict or confrontation! I am finally finding out that Jesus just wants me to be me, be kind, and still be honest!
my notes--Joel Osteen, Jesus Calling, wake up Bible
If God directs your steps He has a good reason. Fill all your holes in your life and make everything better with Christ. It is through Christ blood that we have the true blessings of God in my life- I will allow Jesus to be the missing puzzle peace. The enemy like Goliath will show up so deliver Gods goodness, we are packaged on the inside with Christ power, go into your world being sent by God do not listen to the lies of the enemy. Jesus tells you that you are MORE than victorious so get up and get going you can do this you are not a victim God has put everything in you so you can deal with the problems in your life. God is strong where you are weak. You will not understand some things you go through in life but trust God anyway. He knows what He is doing. If you feel something missing in your life turn to the scriptures, you will find your answers and fill the void. Your faith has made you full. The Bible says Jesus is our missing puzzle peace, the only thing that can fill you up is the word of God! Believe what God says not what the world says. Jesus is the word God wants to take that whole and fill it up! the peace is your missing puzzle when you get saved God gives you back your confidence, hope, faith, love, wellness and everything in your life! Begin to say what God says about you I thank you God for your word which is the missing puzzle peace in my life.
Just trust in God always, keep a good attitude even in the midst of chaos and confusion and know that God is in control. Problems are a part of life they are inescapable woven into the very fabric of this fallen world. Do not let fixing things be your top priority you are ever so limited in your capacity to correct all that is wrong in the world around you, don't weigh yourself down with responsibilities that are not your own instead make your relationship with me your primary concern talk with me about whatever is on your mind seeking my perspective on the situation, ask me to show you what is truly important.
the joy of the Lord is your strength, and the enemy is after your joy. A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones Proverbs 17:22 The enemy knows if he can deceive you into living down in the dumps and depressed you will not have the strength physically. emotionally or spiritually to withstand his attacks so you need to rejoice in the midst of your difficulties always stay strong and give the enemy a black eye!
ok enough journal writing for the day, I am soooooo excited for Christmas!!!!! It will be the first Christmas since 2013 that I will really feel and be normal again. I was better last Christmas in 2019 but this year in 2020 is going to be the very best!! I am playing Santa Claus again!! Oh my God life is so good I just have a peace that passes all understanding!!!
namaste!!
